This past week I enjoyed some great conversations with friends and colleagues about coaching. I also attended a high school basketball tournament where I watched some coaches in action and listened to the comments of fans/parents.
SPECIAL NOTE FOR PARENTS- In all likelihood your child is not going to make his/her living as a professional athlete. Encourage your own child and his or her own teammates and keep your negative comments about the other players, the other team, the other coach, the referee to yourself. The game is about your child…NOT YOU!
I’ve been around high end sports my entire life and have had some great coaches myself and some not so great. I’ve witnessed the same through our own children. Some of the best coaches were loud cheerleaders on the bench, while others had a quiet demeanor but had a great presence. However, it was not the style that distinguished the great coach from the poor- it always started with the relationship.
Coaches should be mentors and teachers and they can’t be their very best if they don’t care about their players. Relationships, just like in every organization count! Players need to know that they are playing for someone who is looking after their best interests and not solely the interest of the coach. Coaches with big egos…are never a player’s coach. Best interest is not just on the playing surface or the court but it is in general life. You see, coaches should not only develop an individual’s talent but more importantly the whole person. The role of a coach should always be about developing better people not just better players. That is why relationships really count in great coaching.
Too many of us, parent like we were parented, teach like we were taught and coach like we were coached. Often, it is hard for today’s coaches to make the adjustments necessary for today’s athlete especially if the old style of coaching was successful for them. It may be difficult to get the old cliches or habits about coaching out of their own mind. For example, coaches shouldn’t simply demand respect as in the old days but rather earn it just like the rest of us. And yelling…really? Why is it acceptable to yell at a kid when you would never do that another adult? Would you yell at that kid with his/her parent present?
HINT- If you yell at adults more often than not, you’re probably not meant to coach kids… or adults for that matter!
I understand and am fully supportive of the the desire to succeed. But, that can be distinctly different than the desire to win. The pressure to win put on kids (at such a young age) by parents, coaches and other adults is simply irresponsible. Great coaches focus on and celebrate improvement, honor effort and commitment and in most cases, achievement takes care of itself. Something is wrong when young boys or girls cry uncontrollably after a tournament loss. Coaches need to give their heads a shake if this is what they are seeing and instead figure out how to make this a great teaching moment. Your words at this point and time are critical. Choose them carefully!
Coaches, this is not about your success. Coaching should never be about your own ego! Start with the mindset that you are developing better people and your coaching prowess will grow immensely. Kids deserve great coaches so…be one!
