Losing a young man!

It has been quite awhile since I’ve put my words down, but I’ve thought about this next message since last week. Why? Well last week, a good friend of our son, committed suicide. While there is great sadness when anyone takes his or her own life, some suicides seem to be more uncharacteristic than others. This one was very shocking because quite honestly, there never seemed to be any visible signs of internal struggle. This young man, appeared to have everything going for him, was always the life of the party and a comedian extraordinaire.

I’ve watched the disbelief in my son and his friends’ words and actions. That guilt question is always close to the surface, “Why didn’t I see it coming?” And, like with many tragic deaths, the “what ifs” start to spin out of control. Everybody wants an answer in order to make sense of why this young man would take his own life and yet there will never be any one that is satisfactory. He was hurting inside and nobody, neither family nor friends, knew how much and to what degree. And that is why this one was so shocking.

Being in education, it would be rare not to have been impacted by a student (present or past) suicide. Some may be more suspected”expected” than others, but all our tragic. It is difficult for me to imagine a person facing so much despair and feeling so alone that the only decision is suicide. Maybe that’s part of the problem… I, and like many don’t seem to understand that silent despair or more importantly choose not to be willing to understand it and instead continue to “sweep those issues under the table” because it is easier! Let’s just not talk about depression or anxiety or any other mental health challenge. For us it may be easier but for those suffering in silence, NEVER!

The fact of the matter is that death by suicide occurs far too often and is more prevalent in men.

The challenges around speaking up about mental health issues continues to exist in our society. We’ve made some great strides in supporting mental health in the last number of years but there is still so much more to be done. There remains a shroud of taboo when mental health issues are discussed, especially for males. This is where as a society we have to do better and stop accepting the “man up” approach to problems. Silence is not golden in this situation and in fact exacerbates the problem.

Depression, anxiety or any other mental health issue are real for people and need to be brought to the forefront and not kept deep inside or masked behind other “socially acceptable traits.” It is important that we build great resilience in our children and young adults but also help them understand and more importantly fully welcome a sense of vulnerability. This is not simply on parents but rather on all of us to build a more gentle and kind society. Suicide rates, especially for males will continue to increase without our intervention.

I feel great sorrow for this young man’s family and friends and my own heart aches for our son. One suicidal death to one too many and so we must do better.

If you are that person struggling, don’t keep it inside or mask it with other emotions but instead open up and find someone who you can share your issues with. And if you are that person who is the friendly ear, listen, don’t judge and assist in accessing the help required. Be kind, be gentle and simply be there! Even one suicide prevented is worth it!